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Horseback_Writer
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Name: Eowyn
Gender: Female
Interests: God the Father, Son, & Holy Spirit, My Family, Friends, Kids, the Church, Pencils (preferred over pens) and Paper (gotta love it!), Writing allegory and stories with analogies, Reading or Writing Books of Medieval and Western Genres, Research, Soundtracks, Classical, Celtic, Bluegrass, Rag-time, Big Band (Andrews Sisters!), and Ancient-Traditional Church Music, Horses, Horseback Riding, Most Animals (living, extinct, or stuffed), Medieval and Western Weaponry, White Chocolate, Vanilla Icecream, Vanilla Cake (not Coke), and anything else that is truly Vanilla.
Expertise: Whatever I have time to put my hand and mind to.
Occupation: Servant of the Most High God
Message: message me
Member Since:
8/10/2005
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| OK, so Christmas is over now. Maybe I should update?
Hmm...
God is in the process of turning my life upside-down--again. He's showing me the power of His Spirit continually filling me (as opposed to me filling me with myself, I ask for Him to fill me all up with Him so there's not much room left for me--hope that makes sense), and giving me a greater boldness with the gospel. I've made some awesome friends here in town, and we all love going deeper into God and His Word. I'm still a bit in shock over how many people God has brought to Himself through me. And then God convicted me of a judgmental attitude and a lot of selfishness I've harbored for years, and then I REALLY wondered WHY He ever used me in the first place--
--But I guess that's kind of the point, really. It's His work and His choice to use broken people to bring healing to all the other broken people.
I do want to say, I am sorry for the judgments I've been quick to make even in my own mind about the people I'm around. Whether it's been painfully obvious to you my friends, or no, I am very sorry, and I humbly ask your forgiveness. It is a wrong attitude to have, especially before God, the only right Judge of all. I am to compare myself to no one but Christ, and I fall short of His glory every time.
Yet it is in Christ that I find forgiveness and redemption, a second chance. And when God helps me see people from His perspective, my eyes are opened to the amazing things He is doing in them-- in you-- to show forth His glory!
We serve an awesome God! The only wise, true, perfect, just, and loving God!
The Lord God be praised! His ways are mysterious and His love unfathomable! His laws are just and His mercy unending! Praise the Lord for He is good! His loving kindness endures forever!
Let all that has breath PRAISE THE LORD!!!
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| Merry Christmas to all!!!
...And to all a--
--Good-night, look at the time!
Well, Christmas day is almost over.
Just about time for us to start figuring out how to stuff those lights back into the boxes they came in (re-assembly required), save the candy gifts for that New Year's party coming up, and reconfigure our brain cells from the sugar over-load so we can pretend to act like human beings at work the next day.
But wait...
...there is something holding me back from packing up holiday and returning to the "normal" state of the home.
And no, it's not the fact that I have to go back to work tomorrow.
There is something more to all this that won't let me go about my business as usual. Something about Christmas was different this year, and it's holding onto me like a weary child who has finally found refuge and won't relinquish it for the world.
Was it, perhaps, by the grace of God that around the Christmas tree this year, the gifts I most eagerly awaited were those I gave, rather than those I received? I've heard people talk about the joy of it before. I've often experienced the feeling myself from time to time as Christmases come and go. This year the joy of giving certainly seemed to surpass that of receiving.
But there is something running deeper, even than that.
Last night, Christmas Eve of all nights, I was very much like-minded with the rest of my family in a particular way: we were irritated, exhausted, and I was ready to peck the feathers off a turtle dove. I didn't realize how tired I was until I fell asleep at the computer before dinner. But I quickly roused myself. I had more to do than four calling birds put together. I was too busy to take time out for a nap of any sort, even if the arm of the office chair next to me did make a convenient pillow. So, I deemed it best to skip wrapping presents that night and wait until the early morning hours after a rest. It was no surprise then that my Christmas spirit began to plunge faster than a partridge falling out of a pear tree. There was too much to be done, not enough time, and I was out of energy. Out.
You know, when you're too busy to be tired it's entirely possible (although not always, but still possible) that you might simply be Too Busy. (Have you ever heard of Too Busy? It's a disease some people get only around the holidays, while others have it chronically year-round.)
Do you know what I'm talking about?
The symptoms start to appear when there is so much we want to Do that we forget the importance of the people we are doing it For, and neglect our health in the process. Now, some people (often referred to as "You're Such An Angel"), can balance these things beautifully! And I'm definitely one who observes such people from a safe distance and says, "Wow! You are amazing!" all the while protecting my perfectionist brain from any of their cosmic rays that might destroy my unique system of "I need to do this yesterday and it has to be perfect from start to finish and heaven help the person who gets in my way!"
Thus, late nights, early mornings, and a perfectionist mindset steal our rest, our joy, and ultimately our peace with God and mankind. Just ask my brother.
No, don't. Really, that can wait... :-\ 
So I was able to think a little more clearly in the early hours of this morning as I tied a ribbon around the first gift, but I still felt like that downed partridge.
"What makes Christmas so special?"
"What makes any occasion special or unique from others?"
"What is so significant about these gifts I am about to give my family?"
My family...
I have a family.
I measured paper for the second gift. Having a family is more than some people can boast. I have a family...and then some. I have a family who has been through some awful times with me...and they still love me.
I began hunting down a bow for my third gift. This one didn't need ribbon. The hands that would unwrap it were more frail than most, I would make it easy. My precious grandmother has not yet surrendered to Christ. Yet I have a spiritual family in Christ. I am loved and supported by people I will get to be with through eternity.
I am blessed with opportunities to be used by God to bless others (often when I'm not looking).
As I grabbed a big, gold bow from the family bow bag and headed back to my room, a thought struck me. I thought of the One who changed my life so drastically this year: The given Promise, the received Fulfillment, the persistent Love, the cleansing Fire, God The Man who is always with me...
Time slowed down as I put one foot in front of the other. As I entered my room I could almost see Jesus, sitting casually at the foot of my bed like He owned the place, looking at me as tenderly as a beau. And with every step closer, I remembered what I had been through this year: He broke me to heal me, showed me how to die that I might have life, brought me to my knees to raise me up... But only because He had done it first, and wanted me to be one with Him. Now He has me--and all that I call mine is His.
I placed the gold bow on Grandma's package, renewing my trust in the God Man who will surely save her even as He saved me. I wanted to share with her what I had been given.
I wrapped up the last gift, my spirits soared, and I knew this Christmas would be different.
It is hard to put into words what I feel towards my family, my family in Christ, and most of all, Christ Himself.
I think it is something called love. I did not know love until Love came to me.
The gift of Love is of God. Whether or not you know Him, He is the standard to which only true love can measure up. It is a gift that increases for the giver and benefactor alike the more it is given away.
I didn't have time for love. But Love made time for me, came down, and became one of us--so we could have time for Him. I cannot live without receiving and sharing His Love, or I cease to really live at all.
I am alive!
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| It boggles my mind what God allows us to go through in our life time.
I am continually amazed at the amount of pain these human forms can endure.
It hurts just to think about what some people have lived through.
I cannot imagine any thing that has gone untouched by sin...
...I can't even think clearly about heaven
without my imagination being stumped by ideals
that have always been destroyed by sin
here on earth.
~
It boggles my mind what God is doing for us in our lifetime.
I am continually amazed at the amount of pain His perfect form can endure.
It hurts just to think about what He has lived through with us.
I cannot imagine anything touched by sin that He is not aware of already...
...I can't even think clearly about His presence
as He pervades me (and I pray you, too)
posing the only effective challenge to sin and destruction
here on earth...
...To bring us poor sinners home.
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| "If you could do only one thing with your life, what would you do?"
I sat on the floor in silence, contemplating my answer. It had been a little while since God's still, small voice had grown loud enough to drown out the monotonous cries of pain from my back and neck. The collapsed disc in the lower regions of my spinal column interrupted my thoughts with the same old message that it didn't like the sitting position I'd chosen--anything that had to do with sitting was simply out of the question--but I shifted only slightly, too tired to stand or even lie down on the carpet. I was fortunate to have floor space because my room was usually a wreck due to my lack of physical ability to get around and lift things; but a dear friend had taken the time to help me in my humble state. So I had a place to sit. The exhaustion of the day had taken its toll. I could hardly believe I was still going after all that had happened.
My spine regularly reminded me of my recent car accident where someone nearly drove me off the road where I was greeted with a barrier instead of a shoulder. I had managed to avoid both the unobservant vehicle and the close barrier, but paid for my sharp turns by fish-tailing. In that moment, God had given me the gut level feel-for-the-wheel to control the fish-tailing, which saved the lives of my Mom and I, and slowed us down before I somehow lost control and hit the barrier--although not as hard as I expected. We both walked away all right. That was the day before Father's Day. My dad said he had his gifts already. Our whole family was grateful to have me and my mom safely home with minimal injuries.
But for someone who already had degenerative disc disease, it shook up my spine enough to feel like all that chiropractic work had been undone. But God planted a strange feeling of hope in my heart that I could not explain:
"You will heal faster now than before the accident."
It was strange, but I did not feel despair from the apparent set-back. The night before the accident, on that same stretch of road, God had impressed upon me how very small I am and how very big He is--and that it was His idea for me to be where I am, doing what I'm doing.
So here it was, little more than a week before the 4th of July, and I sat on my floor remembering that I exist for his purposes, not mine. He promised faster healing than before; and even though I was now in more pain than I had been in for a long time, for some reason, deep down, I knew I could trust Him.
But now God was asking me what I really wanted to do with my life?
I contemplated, but already knew my answer; I had always known. Every time any one else put the question to me, I knew the answer--but always evaded it somehow. There were enough other things I was interested in that I could come up with a semi-tantalizing "dream" job idea on the spur of the moment. They would be satisfied and go away, and I would return to "reality."
But this time it was different. This time God was asking the question; and the Creator of my heart would know if I lied. He was asking me so I would have to be honest with myself.
The condition of my back would
most likely keep me forever a prisoner of impossibility for the rest of
my life. Even if it got better, the condition is said to never heal
completely, and it would come back in my later years when it would be
more normal and expected. No one my age is supposed to have this
condition. Yet here I was. And so was it.
But every difficulty aside, I knew what I really, truly loved and wanted to do...
"I would act--"
Yet as soon as I confessed it, a torrent of excuses nearly choked my own admission.
"--But you know I could never do it professionally! I've always said I wouldn't! You know why I wouldn't! You've seen what happens to people who take that road! I've seen it! Their lives end up in shambles! If they get rich, they deny the One who gave them talent! But I've also seen what happens to "good" people! They put out incredible movies and then trash their own lives, get in scuffles over stupid things, loose track of what they were living for, and die in obscurity because they are too ashamed of themselves! I don't want to do it because I know how weak I am!"
At long last, the tears came, hot and fast. The truth had finally surfaced...and it was bleak and ugly...
Just to make sure He had my answer correct--but I know it was more than that--He said, "So, you would only do it if you thought you were strong enough...only to find out then how weak you are (like everyone else)--or you could go into this knowing how weak you are, and have to rely on Me for your strength?"
Ouch.
Even as the reality of His words seeped into me, my back prompted my second line of defense:
"But Lord, my back! I can't! Not with my back like this! There's no way I could--"
"What if I healed you?" the still, small voice interrupted, cutting short my last excuse.
...my last excuse...
...HEAL ME? My back? My back? Healed?
"Are You serious? You really mean... Can You... Would You..."
For a moment the enormity of what He said rendered me speechless. Then I asked Him:
"Is it really that important to You? What, do I have to sign up for something and just trust that You'll heal me so I can fulfill what I signed up for?"
A gentle silence pervaded the room as the door of possibilities swung open.
"All right. I'll do it. If it's that important to You, I will trust you to heal me..."
...To Be Continued...
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| Whooooooohoo!!!
God is setting me free from a lot of junk from my past (literally and figuratively), including, but not limited to Fear and too much stuff in my possession. (No, that's not fear of stuff in my possession -- Fear and stuff.) 
IT'S SO COOL TO BE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have so many cool friends who have helped in so many ways (like those of you who have prayed me through a lot)!!!
I PRAISE THE FATHER!
I PRAISE THE SON!
I PRAISE THE SPIRIT!
I PRAISE THE THREE-IN-ONE (now that's cool--isn't He awesome?)!
...And this is only the beginning of the better part of the Journey...
God bless us all--every one!
See you down the road!
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